45 is that unique age where your descent into middle age can be described much like The Fast & Furious. Time seems to speed up as your bucket list seems to get longer. The notion of mortality becomes clearer as death announcements of those in your age range haunt you daily. But oddly enough, all of these things seem to put life into perspective… And at the ripe age of 45 I can say that, “it’s just not that serious!"
My enlightenment journey has forced me to address myself in a manner much like a scientist probes an experiment. I view the world from the perspective of LOVE or lack of LOVE and it’s just that simple. I accept responsibility for my life and I am no longer a victim of circumstances; as I understand that I am always exactly where I need to be. I acknowledge myself as a soul having human experiences and I allow myself to lovingly accept the good and bad experiences as necessary lessons in order for my soul to evolve.
My most important lessons have been that self-love is the most important love and that all that I am seeking is within me. That deep yearning, that something is amiss, something is lacking… It sends us seeking, searching, feeling less than whole, feeling empty. That feeling that urges us to find a partner and then find another one when that one is no longer able to fill us. The church will teach you that God is really what is missing and what you should be seeking and I will attest to that as truth and take it a step further and say that God resides in all of us. Once we realize that and learn to release the trauma and pain that we carry within and love ourselves, we will also learn that the answers that we seek are within. The validation that we seek is within. We need not go any further than ourselves to fill the void, to heal the abandonment issues, to get “unstuck”. Love is all we need and that love starts with ourselves.
I didn’t just wake up one morning with this awareness, it was a process; in fact quite a long process that was painful and repetitive until I learned to listen to that voice within me. Call it intuition, call it God, it really doesn’t matter how you address it, but at 45 I’ve learned that the voice is always right and all I need to do is listen. Upon reflection I see cycles and patterns in my life; similar situations that kept coming back around. My unenlightened self thought of them as coincidences. My enlightened self knows that it was the universe’s response to me neglecting that voice and not being receptive to the lessons that were presenting themselves. They kept appearing and the voice got louder and more harsh until the lessons hit me over the head. Needless to say at 45, I’ve become less hard-headed and I seek the lesson in everything , because my soul purpose leads me to explore life with all three of my eyes open. If that went over your head, its ok, you’ll understand one day.
The process of learning to love myself has shown me that my life and my relationships are a reflection of my thoughts and beliefs about me. Lack of self-love attracted people who also didn’t love themselves and were unable to love me. When I began to shift my thoughts and beliefs, the relationships and experiences also began to shift and reflected the growth. I am a work in progress, but progress is the key word. Forward movement is what I constantly seek, happiness is what I choose and LOVE is my motivation and inspiration. Love is easy and even easier without conditions; self-love is the key to attracting universal love; it is healing, it is the response to all that is wrong with the world and it is in you, ready to work for you. All we need to do is just allow.